Oscars 2013

The Oscar ceremony, a best- and worst-case scenario

By Glenn Whipp / Los Angeles Times

Seth MacFarlane has compared hosting the Oscars to President Obama’s first term. By trying to please everyone, this year’s Oscar MC says, you end up pleasing no one.

How will MacFarlane fare? From a rundown of what we know about this year’s show, we offer the following best- and worst-case scenarios:

Oscars 2013: Oscar Watch | Play-at-Home Ballot | Snubs & surprises | Reactions | Trivia | Timeline

Show is broken up into 13 acts, each possessing what the producers call a “wow moment.”
A special tribute to film musicals of the last decade, including best picture nominee “Les Miz,” 2002’s best picture winner “Chicago” and 2006’s “Dreamgirls”
Twenty-two cameras, including an army of hand-held specialists
Special salute to James Bond movies, celebrating the series’ 50th anniversary
Barbra Streisand sings!
Adele performs “Skyfall”
Mark Wahlberg reunites with the animated bear from “Ted” to present an award.
Best picture “wow moment”
The ceremony ends …

Opening monologue

Al Seib / Los Angeles Times

Best-case scenario:

MacFarlane successfully negotiates a tricky tonal middle ground between snark and respect, delivering a broadly appealing sense of irreverence that includes him singing a genuinely funny parody of “Les Misérables.”

Worst-case scenario:

Remember that Emmy mailer last year for MacFarlane’s animated TV show “Family Guy”? The one that appealed to voters by saying, “Come on, you bloated, overprivileged Brentwood Jews, let us into your little club”? We get 10 minutes of that kind of tone-deaf, insider humor, culminating with a cameo from Stewie.

Show is broken up into 13 acts, each possessing what the producers call a “wow moment.”

Paul Drinkwater / Getty Images, David Hobby / Baltimore Sun, Marc Bryan–Brown

Best case:

Act 1’s wow moment: Tina Fey and Amy Poehler join MacFarlane as co-hosts!

Worst case:

Producers define “wow moments” as surprise guest appearances from — OMG! — the original Broadway casts of “Hairspray” and “Footloose.”

A special tribute to film musicals of the last decade, including best picture nominee “Les Miz,” 2002’s best picture winner “Chicago” and 2006’s “Dreamgirls”

Universal Pictures, Dreamworks

Best case:

Anne Hathaway! Jennifer Hudson! Eddie Murphy! Razzle dazzle!

Worst case:

An eight-minute interpretive dance number, culminating with Russell Crowe singing “And I Am Telling You I’m Not Going.”

Twenty-two cameras, including an army of hand-held specialists

Chris Pizzello / Invision / Associated Press, IFC Films

Best case:

There’s one camera trained on Tommy Lee Jones’ face for the entire ceremony.

Worst case

Hand-held cameramen were schooled by Lars von Trier. Nauseated home viewers turn off their TVs en masse.

Special salute to James Bond movies, celebrating the series’ 50th anniversary

From left to right: Sean Connery, George Lazenby, Roger Moore, Timothy Dalton, Pierce Brosnan and Daniel Craig (File photo, Los Angeles Times, MGM/UA, United Artists Company, MGM Pictures and (Eon Productions or Columbia Pictures) )

Best case

The six men who have played 007 share the stage.

Worst case

Only Lazenby shows.

Barbra Streisand sings!

Evan Agostini / Invision / Associated Press

Best case

She performs a moving tribute to her friend and frequent collaborator, composer Marvin Hamlisch. When she finishes, there’s not a dry eye in the house.

Worst case

It’s not a tribute to Hamlisch. It’s a duet with … MacFarlane.

Adele performs “Skyfall”

Associated Press

Best case

It’s just her and the piano. No needless distractions. No Bond girls shimmying in the background.

Worst case

It’s just her and the piano — with Lazenby sprawled across the top of it.

Mark Wahlberg reunites with the animated bear from “Ted” to present an award.

Universal Pictures

Best case

The movie’s R-rated comic sensibility is toned down enough to translate to the broadcast’s PG-13 standards.

Worst case

Thanks to network censors, we won’t be able to hear half their routine.

Best picture “wow moment”

Jason Wambsgans / Chicago Tribune, Summit Entertainment

Best case

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome … Gene Hackman!”

Worst case

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome … the cast of ‘Twilight!’”

The ceremony ends …

Group portrait of the 85th Academy Awards Nominees Luncheon at the Beverly Hilton Hotel. (Al Seib / Los Angeles Times)

Best case

… with the wealth spread around, befitting a year with so many good movies.

Worst case

… sometime Monday morning.