Boss of all bosses
If you had these TV bosses, your work life would be weirder
Prickly Dr. House is hanging up his stethoscope, but that’s OK. We’ve got Kelsey Grammer’s Tom Kane on call, another great TV leader of men who, as James Brown eloquently put it, “paid the cost to be the boss.” Who’s the baddest mutha of them all? We offer the following chart for employer review.
Tom Kane, ‘Boss’
Jack Donaghy, ‘30 Rock’
Dr. Gregory House, ‘House’
C. Montgomery Burns, ‘The Simpsons’
Tom Kane, ‘Boss’
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OCCUPATION
Mayor of Chicago |
MANAGEMENT STYLE
Dictatorial. Still peeved that Sinatra had the gall to sing that Chicago was his kind of town. |
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EMPLOYEE DO'S
Must be willing to follow boss without question. A willingness to inject innocent bystanders with neuromuscular blockers in order to make employer’s threats palpable is considered a plus. |
EMPLOYEE DON'TS
Asking, “Is everything all right?” |
|
ANNOYING HABIT
Lovingly orchestrates scandals and smear campaigns to ruin opponents’ lives. Stuffs severed ears down garbage disposal, which would probably gum up the trap and necessitate a call to a plumber. |
SIGNATURE QUOTE
“Somebody get me some water!” |
Jack Donaghy, ‘30 Rock’
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OCCUPATION
Head of programming, NBC |
MANAGEMENT STYLE
Author of the bestselling book “Jack Attack: The Art of Aggression in Business.” |
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EMPLOYEE DO'S
Be able to procure dove blood to maintain healthy hair (a.k.a. one’s “head-suit”) at a moment’s notice. |
EMPLOYEE DON'TS
Bad-mouthing synergy. |
|
ANNOYING HABIT
Calls or shows up at employees’ apartments at odd hours looking for advice. |
SIGNATURE QUOTE
“I have faith in things I can see and buy and deregulate.” |
Dr. Gregory House, ‘House’
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OCCUPATION
Chief of diagnostic medicine, Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital |
MANAGEMENT STYLE
Loathing is the best medicine. And social niceties are vastly overrated. |
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EMPLOYEE DO'S
Be willing (better yet, eager) to subordinate empathy and all those other messy emotions to achieve peak medical effectiveness. |
EMPLOYEE DON'TS
Questioning what would appear to be the risky removal of a patient’s (A) liver, (B) spleen, (C) lymph nodes, (D) all of the above. |
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ANNOYING HABIT
Filches food as well as various experimental drugs, pills and Tic Tacs from colleagues and patients. |
SIGNATURE QUOTE
“Everybody lies.” |
C. Montgomery Burns, ‘The Simpsons’
|
OCCUPATION
Owner, Springfield Nuclear Power Plant |
MANAGEMENT STYLE
Willing to block out the sun to make Springfield entirely dependent on his nuclear power plant for light. |
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EMPLOYEE DO'S
Be willing to eat nuclear-waste-fed three-eyed fish without complaint. |
EMPLOYEE DON'TS
Asking for a raise. Ever. Particularly in his office, which is equipped with numerous booby traps. |
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ANNOYING HABIT
Forgets employees’ names despite previous and rather monumental interactions. Extreme age and disconnect from reality can result in beliefs that rankle. (“A nickel will buy you a steak and kidney pie, a cup of coffee, a slice of cheesecake and a newsreel with enough change left over to ride the trolley from Battery Park to the Polo Grounds.”) |
SIGNATURE QUOTE
“Release the hounds.” |
